Burning Through Toxicity: 5 Ways to Connect with the Divine Masculine.
Times are changing. But as things shift, so too does our society’s understanding of ‘masculinity’ and ‘femininity’.
There has been so much toxicity in the (relatively modern) notion of masculinity, which is being compounded by those in power on the world stage. There has been so much fragility within the current belief of what it takes to ‘be a man’. There has been so much that fear about something that has absolutely nothing to do with the divine masculine. For thousands of years ‘masculinity’ has become a play of power based upon oppression and control.
This can make it difficult to access our divine masculine energy. Because it has got nothing to do with control or sex. It has absolutely nothing to do with the gender we were born into. The divine masculine archetype is no more about being a man than the divine feminine archetype is about being a woman. They are two sides of the same coin and therefore there should be no enmity between them. It is not a sacred battle of the sexes: Goddess opposing god. Woman opposing man. Girl opposing boy. It should not be an internal struggle within us of logic versus emotion, or control versus submission.
We are both. We need both. And we need to hold a balance of both within us. But how do we do this when our understanding of feminine and masculine has become so skewed? How do any of us find the voice of the divine masculine when our understanding of masculinity has been so toxic for so long?
My belief is that we have to re-define the restrictive boundaries of ‘masculinity’ before we can access its divine aspect. We need to unpick what is about power and dominance versus what is authentic masculine sovereignty. We all have to cut away the pernicious principles of masculinity that have become so ingrained in our society (and thus within us personally) so they no longer corrupt our ability to perceive the truth. We must cut away the falsehoods that we have become complicit in. We must reject the stereotypes and refuse to excusing them.
Then – and only then – can we start to reconnect with the energy of the divine masculine.
The divine masculine invites us to make challenges.
The traditional narrative of masculinity is excessively restrictive. It has repressed and confined masculinity to certain traits such as aggression, dominance or anger – praising and celebrating any man who uses them and labelling those who do not as ‘weak’. Then it uses these characteristics to force the status quo. Ultimately, the current narrative of masculinity is reductive and has therefore not allowed masculinity to be the beautifully complex nor fully rounded thing it could and should be.
So it is important that we challenge this status quo. That we push back.
The divine masculine invites us to defy the current parameters of masculinity (and femininity) so we are not complicit in this restrictive narrative. We can do so by standing firm against those who attempt to force us into conformity by using intimidation or violent behaviours. We can do so by refusing to be pressured into ‘proving our worth’. We can do so by speaking out against those who mock and deride us (or others) for seeking a different and more balanced perspective. We can do so by recognising and fighting against overt or covert oppression. By doing this will challenge and may even break the status quo, which will allow the true form of divine masculinity a chance to step into the light.
2. Find your strength.
The divine masculine invites us to reach into our strength.
However we have been conditioned to equate strength with physical prowess. Brute force. Muscle. How big, how intimidating or how threatening we can appear to be. As countries or as individuals we will size up and square up to others. But these all come under one category – physical dominance.
And yet being strong is so much more than having a large physical presence or brawn. It is not oppressing others so we feel stronger. In order to be garner our strength we must draw upon our inner resources. Our inner strength. And in order to do so we have to explore that which makes us feel vulnerable. Because knowing our vulnerability is not a weakness. Sitting with it and intimately getting to know our fears and insecurities does not make us fragile.
Quite the contrary.
It takes bravery to explore, acknowledge and share our vulnerability. It takes great courage to know and understand our fears, our insecurities and self-doubt rather than reflecting them upon others. It can take enormous feats of strength to be able to feel into our emotions of hurt and of pain and then examine how we cope with and manage them, rather than hiding them behind pride, self-pity, aggression or rage.
The divine masculine invites us to discover our inner strength by knowing ourselves and by owning our vulnerabilities. It compels us to take responsibility for ourselves – our inner voice as well as our outward behaviours. It urges us to be accountable for our words and our actions rather than hiding, blaming, deflecting or justifying them.
3. Find your stability.
No man is an island.
The divine masculine invites us to become stable within our emotional lives.
The modern understanding of ‘masculine stability’ does not include being resilient because it excludes the concept of emotional intelligence. Feelings are hard to control therefore they are the irrational and foolish. Emotional intelligence within ‘traditional’ masculinity is paradoxical. The concept of intimacy is mixed up with sexual feelings. Emotional bonds are created to outsource and manage difficult emotions but expressing those emotions is a sign of weakness. And emotional bonds also create intimacy, which ultimately must equate to sexual feelings.
Modern masculinity has attempted to teach us that emotional intelligence is not relevant. In fact that it is something to scoff at. It is an obstacle rather than an aid to getting things done. After all, it isn’t logical to recognise our own or other people’s emotions. It isn’t useful to distinguish between and label different feelings. It isn’t rational to use emotional information to guide thinking or behaviour. It isn’t necessary to manage or adjust our own emotions in order to adapt to our environments or achieve our goals. It is unreasonable to expect us to deal appropriately and compassionately with uncomfortable situations; to manage the emotions of ourselves and other people.
Or is it? Because ultimately this attitude has caused us to be cut off from intimate and supportive relationships that are so desperately needed. You only need to look at the high suicide in this society, especially of men.
The divine masculine calls us all to gain resilience through emotional maturity. By exploring and understanding the richness of our inner world. By recognising the subtle nuances of our emotional landscapes. By acknowledging the feelings and emotions of others. By daring to become deeply intimate with ourselves and sharing that intimacy through all of our relationships – and not just through sex. By reaching out and expressing deep love through friendship. By delving into and allowing ourselves to feel our emotions in all their glory rather than simply suppressing them, smothering them beneath harmful coping mechanisms or outsourcing them. By letting down our guard. By sharing our messy emotional-landscapes with friends, companions or family in a variety of different ways – through caring words, through affectionate touch and through loving actions.
4. Gain wisdom.
The divine masculine invites us to become wise.
But wisdom is not gained by always getting it right. Wisdom is not obtained through a single world-view or a single life-experience. Nor is wisdom accomplished by stubborn single-minded logic. Wisdom is not blinkered.
The wisest are not always the best at what they do. Not necessarily at the top of their game. Perhaps not the most outstanding. Those who are wise are usually those who know their own limitations. But they take time to stop, to observe and to listen. The wise recognise that we all interact differently within the world and therefore we each have a unique perspective. They know that truth is not black-and-white. They understand that we all have our own distinct set of skills and experiences – and they are open to truly hearing and understanding the voice of the quiet as well as the loud. The voice of the oppressed as well as the liberated.
The wise patiently listen and carefully discern.
The divine masculine invites us to grow in wisdom. It compels us to use our logic and our rationality alongside openness, empathy and discernment to listen to and understand the experiences and emotions of others.
Because the only logical way to gain true wisdom is by paying full attention. By observing our world and those in it. By actively listening – not just to what people say – but also to how they feel, instead of shutting them down or deriding them. By taking time to understand them – with openness and empathy. Through this act of responsive interaction we can learn through the experiences others.
And the only rational way to act upon wisdom is to also understand that mistakes will always be made, despite best intentions. But rather than viewing the mistakes as weakness and frailty – forging them into weapons of hatred – they should be used as a learning opportunity. A teaching tool that brings us further knowledge and therefore wisdom.
So the same mistakes are never made again.
5. Step into your power.
How can we step forward confidently if we cannot see the way?
The divine masculine invites us to set alight to our toxic notions of masculinity in order to step into our true power.
In this chaotic era of transition there is a necessity to recognise and burn away our misguided and insidious notions of weakness – our fear of being perceived as anything but strong and in control. And then to harness that fire. Use it for the advantage of ourselves and future generations. As individuals and as a whole society. To focus its flame in order to destroy the false notions of ‘modern masculinity’ and reveal the magnificent patina beneath. To incinerate the toxic falsehoods and uncover the stunning truth.
And make no mistake; if we allow it, those fires will illuminate our way to progression. They will be beacons that shine a light on our glaring mistakes and errors; so we do not have to make them again. They will reveal the abhorrent ugliness of our former attitudes and behaviours; so we can recognise their harmful nature and change them. It will make us aware of every fault-line and fissure; so we do not trip and fall into the abyss of lies and misinformation that former generations have. It will guide us away from brutality and oppression and lead us forward to a new age of balance.
The divine masculine invites us to ignite those fires because it knows that once the fires have burned away there will be new and fertile ground on which to build a new society. One where the true glory of the divine masculine can be seen and understood. One where the divine masculine and the divine feminine work in harmony within us all.