The weeks leading up to this full moon have been full of ideas — galloping straight toward me. I could the feel the way the earth moved slightly and how I have been steadying myself for the eventual impact.
But it’s all hoof beats.
I can be the witness of the alignment of Venus and Jupiter and and Neptune — the sparkling jewels in the sky that have been advancing like chess pieces.
Until they are perfectly in order.
They are not answers or quests. They are reminders that I already know what’s about to happen. I already know that if I dream big enough and hold onto the possibility of possibility….things emerge.
full moon insomnia
I’ve known for a while that this full moon would be the culmination of an internal dialogue that looked like:
“Oh, I see that happening. Why is that happening? Why are things happening that seem to contradict what I thought I knew to be true?”
And the mindstorms have been constant. And keeping me up at night.
Last night, I didn’t sleep until 3:30am. I replayed old stories, I replayed old conversations, examining them for the thing that I missed, the thing that would make it all make sense again.
I found nothing. I found my eyes open in the darkness.
I remembered the moon rising in all of her brightness and I saw the way the light fell on the ground between the branches. The shadows cast a night that wasn’t quite night, a sleep that wasn’t quite sleep.
The alignment is the key, I think. the moment of coming together in the days following the fullness will reveal all that I needed to know. All that I waited for in the last few weeks.
Maybe my planets have just been out of alignment.
Maybe I’m telling stories that aren’t true.
And even if I am, it’s always better to learn than to yearn.
I want to know what is galloping toward me.
I want to know all the dreams in their infancy and persistence.
And I want to know where home really is right now in the wreckage of death and death. I am ready to move again, perhaps getting on the horse is the plan.
a full moon ritual
gather the pieces of yourself that have been scattered
gather beautiful things in a circle
let out the tone or note or word that will call all of the things back that are lost
write down all of the impossible dreams
let the list sit in the moonlight
maybe cover it in crystals and sea glass
leave it be until the alignment
and when the planets align, breathe that in
know that even you can come back to yourself
know that even you have moments where it all makes sense again
you will come back
you will find home
you always return
you are not lost