By Request: Magic for a bad boss

Something must have been in the stars awhile back and whatever it was it did not like life in the office. I have had at least four people close to me come to me for magic to handle professional issues – and almost every client I saw in my psychic life coaching practice had at least one “how do I deal with this horrible coworker?” issue. A few wanted to straight up hex their bosses. Rather than going on a poppet stabbing spree I introduced them to some gentler first options.

Artist: Clark Walter Appleton
Source: Library of Congress

The corporate world started stoking its sociopaths in the 1980s. While it gave these predators something to do that wasn’t murder and mayhem, it still rewarded them for bad behavior. Offices now allow all sorts of behavior that even the most dysfunctional family would never allow at home – and they’re blaming it on Millennials. Millennials, you didn’t do this. Your grandparents did. Please go have talks with them, you’re their grandkids so you get away with more than us, their children, do.

I do not want to spend time sorting through the morass of opinions about ethics and spellwork to influence people so I am going to lay this out here:

Either you know right from wrong or you don’t. No amount of spelling it out will give an ethical sense you don’t already have. If you practice magick, you already know that actions have consequences. Even the best planned actions sometimes have unintended results – and there’s only so far anyone can divine possible outcomes.

In magick or just life, you have to take a risk. Also, you probably know damn well when you’re doing something wrong or are doing it for petty reasons. Let’s not pretend we all think we’re on the side of the angels when we manage our jealousies and vindictive impulses. If you’re deceiving yourself about your own uglies, you’re going to hurt yourself when you’re using magick pretty damn fast.

The Magick of the Boss and Co-worker Fix

Note: these days I tend to think and speak more in the language of hoodoo and Conjure. The practices have clearer titles and prescriptions than in other styles of witchcraft/magick, and the Americana of these traditions appeals to me.

When using magick to deal with any workplace situation, I recommend the following proactive steps:

  1. When you start a new job, get a reading. It can help you anticipate any workplace issues. Also ask whether to participate in or avoid office politics.
  2. Perform an uncrossing to remove any obstacles to doing your job, whether that’s equipment or people.
  3. Perform a stop gossip working. That’s right – do a stop gossip PROACTIVELY.
  4. Perform a crown of success working at the start of the job. You might as well get the most out of it you can, especially if you plan to put yourself into your work the right amount.

Solomon’s Seals – 4th Pentacle of the Sun

Sometimes something gets around even the best prevention. In this case, the situation may call for several different options – if you already have good clarity on where the problems come from, use that. However, you likely need a reading to see what you’re not seeing. The following solutions likely need tweaking for any given personal situation.  I am listing the following, and a link online to a published version of the spell. These are very general. What I might create personally differs greatly based on what I can get my hands on, the situation, and how it might need tweaking in the future.

Sweet Jar

A sweet jar, for the rare magickal being that hasn’t heard of them yet, is a way of encouraging a person to be sweeter to you. It usually involves a picture of the person (or their name) and any DNA evidence you can fit in there, covered in honey and sweetening herbs. The herbs and other effects can be dialed up or down the intensity scale. It can be used for a lot of different relationships and doing one for a boss or coworker is one to consider. Often, it’s a tool of first resort – far better to sweeten someone on you than to take an immediately combative approach. Making friends (or cultivating tolerance) takes a lot less effort than making enemies!

Boss Fix

While often also a jar spell, there are versions of this spell using candles, prayer, and talismans. These spells both increase the friendliness of the employee-boss relationship, and subtly shift the power dynamic in favor of the employee. These especially help when you work with someone who is moody, or who tends to overlook your work because of many reasons. If your boss is sexually harassing, racist, or otherwise violent, however, I would skip boss fix and go straight to commanding and binding work.

Hot Foot

Hot foot is when you want something to *(&)(*&#$~~~!!!! leave. While intended for bad neighbors, it can work on co-workers although it often needs a bit of formula tweaking for one simple reason: people depend on their jobs to live. I have had many a workplace hotfoot working fail in the past until I had an epiphany: these people need somewhere else to go. This then led to an inner struggle – I get as bitter as anyone about someone I just don’t like having good luck. My reasoning, however, is that if I like job enough to want people I like around me, it’s worth a little directed well-wishing. If you want to perform a hot foot on a coworker, you need to add something that comes from a working known as road opener: they won’t give up insurance, benefits, and predictable stability without something better to go to. So, you are creating what amounts to a “happy trails” working.

The link to the hot foot spell uses a complex ritual. Personally, I have only ever needed the powder, and if I could get to a footprint, great, but I never counted on it. Some people legitimately need more ritual to raise the energy for the results they need – if that’s you, own it.

Finding the job with the perfect balance of personalities, satisfaction, and skill can elude us even more than finding the perfect lover or the just right pair of jeans. Sometimes, especially in employment, you have to settle and find your satisfaction outside the office. But you don’t have to settle too much – and you sure as hell never need to settle for abuse. Use these options as a baseline – over time you’ll develop your own magick for office management.

About the Author

Diana Rajchel lives at the western edge of San Francisco, where sea creatures and hippies meet, breed, and glower at gentrification. From this liminal place she runs the Emperor Norton Pagan Social, writes about magic, herbs, and human quirks, and looks to both sidewalk and sky for wisdom. She is the author of Divorcing a Real Witch, the Mabon and Samhain installments of the Llewellyn Sabbat essentials series, and a title on Urban Magic to be released by Llewellyn in 2018.

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