I thought it would be a good idea to update everyone on what I did personally to celebrate Inspire, as I hadn’t really figured it out by the time of the last post explaining the holiday.
Ironic, then, that I feel utterly uninspired and have for the past week. As my makeshift deadline for Inspire closed in, so did weariness, a deep emotional exhaustion, and a complete lack of inspiration or motivation to do anything whatsoever creative. So I haven’t. I’ve been sitting here in a funk all week doing nothing but watching YouTube videos and working myself into a froth over politics and social injustices.
It wasn’t until I literally sat down and started writing this post that I realized… maybe it isn’t ironic at all. Maybe it’s the point.
Maybe I’m feeling uninspired specifically because I’m expecting to be inspired. Maybe finding a way through the blockages is what I should be doing.
Writer’s block and fear of failure are, after all, two major hindrances to my writing process. Writing is my main artform–though I have been known to draw a little–but I’ve been very bad at actually writing or finishing anything related to writing because, guess what, I lose inspiration partway through. I become afraid of failing, or success (what if I write something too good and I can’t top it?), and that fear affects my ability to keep my inspiration and spirits high.
I chase the feeling by starting project after project, story after story, novel after novel, but I can never finish any of them. When the writing becomes work, the fear sets in, and I recoil. A newer, shinier idea comes along and I chase it because it’s safer until it becomes real.
By having this blog and my Patreon campaign, I’ve set small but attainable goals for which to be responsible. Videos, blog posts, poems, short stories. In tiny, manageable chunks, I’ve managed to be consistently creative for almost six months. It’s really exciting to realize this, and even though I’m hitting a snag it’s still almost six months in! I’m trying not to focus on the “you’re going through a funk” part and instead on the “wow, it took six months for you to hit a low point!” part.
Maybe by being creative for six months, I’ve earned a respite for Inspire. Or perhaps, this year’s Inspire for me is about taking a step back and examining my fears, reactions, and inspirational lack and work on new ways to approach the problem.
Either way, the other thing I’ve realized while writing this post is that I haven’t actually set a permanent date for Inspire yet, May 1st was only a suggestion. So there’s still time for me to figure this out and celebrate. Hopefully by this time next year I’ll have figured this stuff out and have a more solid foundation for the holiday and season for celebrating our creativity.
If I do end up doing a ritual or observance of some sort, I will definitely write about it here. Until then, may inspiration find you when you need it.